Workout with Bernie and cafe lunch over Yoga

March 1, 2024

Well first of all, Jordan’s yoga class had a substitute today, a lady named Elizabeth, who we’ve had before. At the end of the lesson I told her in front of half the class that normally during Jordan’s yoga class there are a lot of things I can’t do, and that it was the same in her class today, so “you really killed it.” Right after the class I went to workout with Bernie. With Bernie, we talked about this one photo we’d taken months ago, and he told me that back then I was talking a lot more about some physical impacts from the car crash and also the brain injury. Looking back on it, that’s accurate to how I was mentally progressing at the time. Frankly, I feel more depressed now, but it’s a stupid depression that comes on because I feel like too many things are taken care of for me in my life. I did not go into that with Bernie today, but I did share my thought that to a certain extent I just have to fake being alright to make myself actually be alright. This situation is kind of similar to how not having to work due to disability offers me a really good thing, but it takes out a lot of the work that gives people their meaning. Frankly, when I can un-depress myself there really are a lot of good things in my life. Today I feel like I was kind of able to get there.

After I worked out with Bernie I went home and put away my clean laundry that was sitting on the dining room table, and then I intended to go out to a coffee shop. I accidentally put in the address of the blood draw in Google Maps, instead of a coffee shop, so when I went over there I just parked a block away and found a place to go there. I ended up going to Turtle Bread, which was also a good location because I was actually hungry for lunch. I asked about their quiche of the day and ended up getting a ham and swiss one, in addition to a chai. It all worked perfectly because I just set an alarm for five minutes before my blood draw appointment, and then I could walk over there. At the coffee shop I tried to read this different book also by Kristin Hannah, and I decided to try to take notes on it because I had gotten a chapter or two into it without following it very well in the past. I enjoyed it more once I was trying to take some notes on it too. 

Afterwards, I went home and mom stopped by and we decided to sit in separate parts of the house and read or write. I ended up in the sunroom and I ended up writing a really significant page in my “therapy notebook.” I decided that recently I’ve been only letting myself be happy when I’m around other people, and I sort of have a not dealt with issue of not being able to be alone with myself. I’ve kind of been hiding behind “I’m an extrovert.” We were also able to have some 15g of fat sushi from Lunds, which I took my meds with at 5:52 pm. 

After I sat and journaled for a bit, mom and I actually watched the next How to Train Your Dragon movie, which left me feeling like things were too resolved for there to be another movie, even though I know one is going to come out.