Scar, Italia at Open Door and Deborah at Open Door

November 2, 2023:

Well, this morning I had my meds at 7:30am with yogurt, and wasn’t very hungry. I wasn’t sure what I’d do for a bit, and then I got an email that my Target pickup was ready, since yesterday I’d ordered the sports bra that Talia recommended, that she’d picked up from my house yesterday because of a laundry mix up. When I went to Target, I also got pretty much my whole shopping list done. It was stuff like honey and rubber bands, nothing crazy. Fortunately I'd taken a picture of it, even tho I wasn’t sure I was gonna be shopping. The only thing I didn’t buy was the additional sausage, egg and cheese biscuits that I use to take my meds in the morning. I didn’t because wasn’t sure they were at Target. After I came back, I learned that they had been there, so I’ll get them next time. After the shopping trip, I made lists of things to say to Whitney in my therapy session today.

Then, at 11am I did my session. I clearly didn’t read all my photos, since there were like two and a half weeks of them. We just looked at a few from the retreat, and also talked a bit about how I’d never really dealt with the trauma from the cancer, and that the TBI might have actually made me start to accept it more. I had been using working four jobs at 90 hours a week to avoid processing it, and now I’m gifted with having no work at all. So in a way, the TBI has actually made me grow as a person. Speaking of the TBI, this morning I found another scar that I hadn’t noticed before. When I first saw it, I thought there was something on my face. It’s the top left photo on this page. It’s also cool that now I’m wearing the eyeliner about which I know I said a few weeks ago, “this will be good for me when I’m less depressed.” When I said that, I was convinced I would never get less depressed, but it happened.

After therapy, I also emailed the guy from Rotary who Tom told me to contact to see about finding the pictures I took at Open Door in 2020. I’m quite curious about them, and can’t find them anywhere. That event does mean that I actually have visited their old building, even though I don’t remember it. What happened was yesterday was that I was searching for the first time I volunteered there this year, and I searched “open door” in our calendar, and an event from July 22 of 2020 popped up. It said “Photo at Open Door Eagan,” and was something I did for Rotary.

Anyways, let’s get to tonight. At Open Door, I told Veronica about the pictures, and also about my idea to make Open Door into my “job,” even though it’s volunteer. Tonight, Italia was the closing staff member. I was considering taking a picture with her, but after she said that she “didn’t like selfies,” I decided not to. Also, I had a more meaningful interaction I’d like to highlight today. Near the end of my shift, I talked to a woman named Deborah a lot. Deborah had just finished her volunteer training today. She also received cancer treatment at Mayo Clinic, for ovarian cancer I think. I know I told her about my TBI and my cancer, and how I’d been very obsessed with work after the cancer. I also told her all about this project and how it started.

Anyways, after Open Door, I went home and took my meds at 8:15pm with two of the Trader Joe’s kalua pork spring rolls with some of the 0g fat rice. That’s a good meal, and 14g of fat too. Did the meds at 8:15pm. At night, I also talked to Hannah about what we’re doing tomorrow. We might do billiards with her brother at like 8pm, and we can do dinner beforehand, maybe at Momo, which she brought up.

Grateful: Honestly, my big takeaway is that my mindset is becoming more normal, in that I’m actually beginning to enjoy getting money without working. This has also really deeply made me appreciate my independence. So today, I’m grateful for living alone.

Also, oh my god, I had this done yesterday. I just forgot to post it, and opened my computer at 3pm on 11/3 and realized it was still here.