Puzzles, walk, and Woody’s (all with the Doucettes)

October 22, 2023:

Ok, today has so far been another Doucette day. It’s not over yet, so I’ll write the rest when I’m more done with the day. Ok, let’s go. I woke up at 6 something and took my meds at 7:10am with a yogurt and a bunch of sunflower seeds. Looks like I’ll be able to take the seeds with me to the retreat, which is nice. I also talked to mom about how much different people might earn from disability (SSDI). Around noon, we took a nice long walk with Kirsten, Eleanor and Bailey, and I had a beautiful conversation with Bailey on the walk. That’s why I grabbed photo of her just walking in to the house, since I failed to take a selfie when we had the meaningful interaction. I definitely also thought, “if I had cut a limb off to get rid of the brain injury (like I’d been wanting to before) then I never would have accepted my cancer trauma and realized how I was using work to escape from facing it.” I also learned that Bailey is possibly thinking about a hand surgery specialty when she becomes a doctor. And Bailey and Kirsten also said some nice stuff about my recovery, that I’ve recovered a TON even since the cabin trip this year, which was in July. On the walk, I also told Bailey all of my note taking strategies, which are really the main positive thing to come out of being run over by the car. We also decided that Fogo just distracted me from the the thought of the cancer, which is low key why I loved it. I also said that I’m kind of afraid I’m always going to be better off living with a parent for health insurance reasons. And don’t think I said this, but I also thought that when I was obsessed with "going back to work,” I was incapable of seeing the potential positive side of being on disability.

When we were driving back in the car, we also talked about things we’d want to buy when we went shopping for the retreat, like cheese sticks, sunflower seeds and yogurt. Then, Kirsten, Bailey and Eleanor went out to skating banquet awards, and me and Jon and mom went out go shopping and then to get pizza at Woody’s, which is a place Jon likes a lot. We just paid by the slice, because that way you can pick a different one every time. I know I tried the pineapple barbecue, buffalo chicken and Greek pizzas. I didn’t bring my ID because I literally had been looking for it and found it in my bag, and then accidentally left it on my bed only because I checked for it. So this time, I got the no-maretto sour, that was actually just as good as an alcoholic drink I think. Jon and mom and I also had a really wonderful talk. In it, I decided that I’d been thinking that real life was just like high school, when it’s not. I also learned that my obsession with working didn’t start with cancer recovery, because I had been trying to interview for an internship when I was first going to be admitted to Mayo. In a way, I had always always been trying to use work to escape from parts of my life that I didn’t like. I’m sure did that in college too.

Anyways, then we went back home, and on my way out I grabbed a picture with uncle Jon in front of Woody’s, partly because we had that wonderful conversation. Then, we went back home and Bailey and Eleanor were back from the skating event too, which is when my BeReal went off. Happy that I got it on time today, just with Bailey looking at some gifts they got. Oh, and then I had my meds at 7:16pm with two cheese sticks, and I had a wonderful conversation with mom where she tried to explain every year of my life to me. My big takeaway was that there are a TON of people I should thank. Obviously my parents, but also Talia and Nicole and some of my early doctors, including Dr. Flanagan and Dr. Hughes. I also did joke that one way I could thank them would be by not committing suicide, lol.

Grateful: Grateful that I have Spanish volunteering, and I’m not going to fall into something akin to a retirement where I just watch videos all day just because I don’t need to work anymore. Also grateful to the dozens of people who have saved my life, in many ways. And grateful to everyone who has stuck with me through all of the cancer trauma. I think before, I hadn’t even realized how traumatic the cancer was, and was just trying to forget it all by smothering every piece of the horror in being too busy to think about anything. And tomorrow is my two year anniversary. I’ve made a ton of progress in the last year, honestly.