Not my job coaches, shopping, mock trial practice

December 13, 2023

Yesterday was good photo day, so I suppose that meeans that today doesn’t have to be. I did some awesome stuff today, and basically photographed none of it. I’ll still talk through it though, just for my #blog. 

Basically, my day started when I took my meds when I first woke up, at 5:20am. I did it with yogurt because that’s often so easy. Should mention... I also literally just had that annoying thing happen where I start typing a sentence, and then I forget the ending of it before I get there. Who knows what I wanted to say?? Not me! 

Lemme actually get to the first note I wrote this morning. I started with: “Dec. 13: if you spend every day not wanting to be alive, it doesn’t really hurt to live outta the hospital and not be able to live your life, because you didn't wanna live your life anyways. Also now, every way that I’m “not normal” actually excites and delights me, because I’m convinced that being not normal means I’m better than average," not worse.

That’s a REALLY IMPORTANT development for my mental health, and I’m not sure why I was randomly able to put it into words around 5am today. 

Next, I made a short list of things I had to do today, and Papa told me my Christmas present, and he actually asked for my help in editing it, because it involves Photoshopping some images to be printed on a thermos. I did the Photoshop work for him. That also made me think about the fact that I have to get around to working on his present too. I’ve gotten Talia’s and mom’s, but not Jeffrey’s yet.

Then, at 9:30am, my new potential “job coach” came over to talk to me. We had a REALLY GOOD talk, and she suggested that I sign up for hispanic-jobs.com to look for jobs that would involve Spanish, which is literally the only reason I’d even want to work. We also set up our next meeting, which I later had to change becuse I’ll be in Utah a while in December. During meeting, I took a ton of notes to make sure it actually happened and I don’t forget about it all, making it “not have happened” for me. That’s the way my mind sees it, at least.

Right afterwards, Jodi’s boyfriend Bill gave me a call so I could do some translation for a guy he works with, named Javier. I wasn’t quite sure how to say “to unclog,” "the drain,” or “the pedastal.” Pedastal turned out to be the same as English, though I later asked Italia about “unclog,” and I’m sure I’ll continue asking her tomorrow night lol. After that, Papa took me to Target and I knocked a TON of stuff off my “acquire” list, which can be both a shopping list and a “get in some other way” list. 

Anyways, then we quickly grabbed Poke and it was time for my second job coach meeting at 2pm. This one actually turned out to be a bit more of a “life coaching” than “job coaching” meeting, though she still works for the same company, Accord. I told her a TON of my life story, going back to “it all started with the cancer.....” I also mentioned my depression through college and the bad habits I fell into. I know that when she asked me how I feel about my social life now, my answer was: “hopeful.” 

I also covered the fact that in a way, the car acident was symbolic. That’s because I had been going out and partying ALL the time just to not ever face my cancer trauma, and I was literally run over by the speeding vehicle while attempting to walk into a nightclub, which is hella symbolic. She also asked me how I grew to have a such a positive attitude after so much hell, and I said I was actually working on figuring out why that was myself too. I did decide, about jobs, that the only job I’d be open to working would be one that involved assisting native Spanish speakers in some capacity, which makes me “feel needed.” THAT is why I LOVE the food shelves. 

I told her that, “I don’t like to not remember everything, but I do like the coping strategies I use to remember things now.” We also decided I’m not sure if I really do want a job right now, since a HUGE part of why I wanted one was to “feel more normal,” and I think I explained earlier in this post why that isn’t my desire anymore. 

Ok, I have a lot, but I’ll squeeze more in too. At night, I went to mock trial practice, and had a good time there too. Liam came! After practice, we popped over to see our old classmate, Jeremiah, in the gym. He helps coach basketball. I learned that for a few years post-college he lived with three mututal Nova friends. Also confirmed he works as a personal trainer and I said that I usually see one of those, though Jeremiah specializes in training athletes, not survivors. 

MIGHT have enough space here to fit it all on one printed page, especially now that I squeezed the paragraph spacing a bit. 

I should also mention I had my meds before mock trial, at 5:20pm with a cup of oat milk and small granola bar. Was thinking I might eat more later if hungry, and I’m not hungry at all. I might go for a grilled cheese now anyways, just after posting this blog.