Liam lunch and Bernie workout

March 13, 2024

Today was another kind of bad day. I started it off by messing it up massively in the morning. I went to go to my training session with Kevin, and I thought I was quite a bit early so I just waited in the gym for like an hour. At one point, I realized that I’d actually waited there through my whole training session. So what I did was instead of yoga, I decided to work out with Bernie for the next hour or so. I admit that when we finished, there was still like 20 minutes of yoga left, so I popped in just for that part. I’d already told Debi that I wasn’t going to be coming to it because I stupidly missed my training session and wanted to work out.

After working out with Bernie, I left the gym with perfect time to meet up with Liam for our lunch. Unfortunately I’d failed to take my meds til 10:52pm, so I couldn’t eat any fat for most of the meal. I had some good talks with Liam though. He made a list of things I can do independently for me. It was stuff like photography, Spanish translation, and driving. He also told me that it’s very hard to remember the upswings when you’re in a depression down-swing, which I am. After our lunch, for which I ordered some egg whites with vegetables and coffee, Liam took me with him to get his car washed. I’d never been inside one of those before. The other interesting thing is that that I had been able to tell Liam while we were at the restaurant, Egg and I, that running this "blog" is one of the few things keeping me "moving forward."

The other interesting thing I should mention is that I texted the Peruvian guy Carlos a bit about how I was feeling, and I told him that Spanish had been a high point for me in my life even though I’m very depressed. We actually had a hard time translating the phrase “high point” into Spanish, but I think I got around to it by saying it was a “culminating point,” or something like that. Afterwards I admit that I fell into playing phone games for a while, which I had been trying desperately not to do anymore, but that's yet another #failure of today. 

At night, I went out for dinner with Papa, Jodi and Grandma and I’m just waiting to take my night meds right now. Ok, I just did them with some $6 sushi from Lunds, because it’s a Wednesday. I didn’t think I’d be hungry enough to eat something, but then I remembered that I’d really just ordered a small cup of soup for “dinner,” and didn’t really eat, because as usual I have no freaking appetite. I’m still convinced I’ll never be hungry again, and that’s a big thing that makes me question the point of staying alive.