Fusion with Liam, Target trip

October 16, 2023:

Oh my God I wrote a TON yesterday. My text was also smaller than usual to fit on the page. Let’s go to today now. I took a Zofran this morning even though I didn’t feel very nauseous, and I had my meds at 8am with two eggs that I cooked up. I printed yesterday’s photo of the day and did some diamond painting. Then, I had my meeting with Jessica at 9am. It was a really, really good session. I even took detailed notes and bolded the things we’d discovered to be most true. I printed the notes out to bring with me for when I’d meet up with Liam. Jessica and I also decided that for my photo of the day project, I should still try to do some of it on the retreat, but I should try to focus a little less on writing my meals and unimportant stuff, and more on finding photos that are symbolic or artsy and describing why the photo is significant to me, and how.

Then, I organized some stuff and had a really good time putting my makeup on. I wore the eyeliner that I know I’d said, “this will be good when I’m less depressed” about. When I had said that, I never thought I would get less depressed, actually. I met up with Liam at noon at Fusion, the pancake bistro that’s across the parking lot from my house. I even told Liam that I was going to try to move away from selfies my photo of the day posts, but that I would still like to do one with him today, especially because I was wearing one of my old Fogo shirts. Wearing the Fogo shirt is significant mainly because it would have been much too painful to wear one of those shirts until recently. I also told Liam about my idea of calling my time at Fogo my “post cancer Fogo frenzy,” which is a line I love.

I’m also thinking that in a way, I simply don’t have to put EVERY fact in my photo of the day. For example, the exact time that specific things occurred isn’t important. More importantly, I told Liam that I’m proud that I said “no” to going to yoga with my aunt yesterday, since I’m working on deciding what I actually want to do, and not saying “yes” to EVERYTHING with people. I also said that it’s felt nice to be home, and that I have been enjoying music more recently.

The other thing that occurred to me while I was talking to Liam is that when I had said, “I’m not sure how I’ll find food to eat when I don’t work at Fogo anymore,” what I was really talking about was the socialization of eating, not the actual food itself.

For my food at Fusion, I got the chilaquiles verdes, yet again. They were a little less mind-blowing than last time, but still quite good. After we ate, Liam paid and I venmoed him like $20 for the meal. He also walked back to my house with me and we spent like half an hour or so together. I read him everything I’d bolded from the Jessica appointment too. We also talked about voting quite a bit, and apparently a mutual friend of ours works in the office of the person I voted for this time. He told me that in the future I could look up the League of Women Voters for information on candidates.

After that, I ran to Papa’s house to drop off my bag of clothes to donate I’d created yesterday and also pick up my pills. So I did that, and left quickly to go run to Target. That’s where my second photo in here comes from, because that was a very good part of my day. I felt more independent than I have in a while. I got tweezers, some cups with lids, a travel toothbrush, and a new notebook that I might want to write my “retreat photos of the day” in. After that, I got gas, which brought me right to the time I was supposed to leave for Spanish class.

Spanish was nice. One part of it was when we were all telling a story and just adding one sentence at a time. I had a very hard time remembering what had happened in the story, but I did add to it once at least. I didn’t really talk to anyone specific at the class, and didn’t even really think to take a photo either. Oh well, the Spanish class was nice, but meeting up with Liam and going shopping alone were definitely the highlights of my day. Oh God I forgot to put my night meds in. I did them at 8:04pm with a hot pocket for 9g fat and also a few tortilla chips and 0g fat rice. Then, mom called at night and she actually reminded me that the 0g fat rice was for eating with the fatty orange chicken. I'd forgotten about that chicken, and I'd kind of like to have that for dinner tomorrow now.

Grateful: I’m grateful for my car, and also being able to drive it. Funny how I’ve come to appreciate the things more that my mom’s been telling me for months I should focus on appreciating.