Feelings wheel, photo talk with Deb, Open Door with Italia

September 28, 2023:

Ok, so this morning I felt a bit nauseous, so I took a Zofran first thing. Then, I gave it a few minutes to take effect, so I didn’t have my meds til 8:15am, when I had them with mango and peaches & cream yogurts. After that, I wrote some notes for my appointment with Whitney this morning and sent her my photos. Then, I had my 11am appointment. Funny enough, even though I’d sent them, I didn’t read her a single photo. Instead, we talked about the way that I have been obsessed with work for a long time, and that that is the reason that this accident, and having to be on disability, has made me dive headfirst into the emptiness that I had been trying to fill with work for the past 10 years. Basically, now that the activities I had been doing have been pulled away from me, I’m painfully aware of how badly I needed them. So now I need to slow down, to heal, and I never EVER would have done that on my own. The other cool thing that I got from therapy today was a “feelings wheel,” and she suggested that I take pictures that encompass my emotions, using the feelings wheel to find foci for the photos.

Then, I went and printed out a copy of the feelings wheel, and got ready for my meeting with Deb at 2pm. With Deb, the feelings wheel that I had printed out was actually incredibly useful. She suggested that I basically start a second photo of the day project, but this time focusing on a “feeling” from the wheel every day. I was drawn to the idea that I just randomly point at the page every day, and choose whichever one my finger lands on. She also suggested looking at opportunities at the Mpls Photo Center, possibly asking at West Photo for a chance to assist someone or find an apprenticeship, and we also looked into some more classes, that were actually listed in the same booklet where I had found a lot of my volunteer opportunities in the past. I’ve also decided that if I start this new photo of the day project, I’ll have these photos be only with my DSLR camera, not my phone like this project is. Looking at potential classes, we looked at a possible fall colors class, and another in studio lighting. Oh, and Deb also told me that a relationship does not solve anything, since I even told her that I’d been thinking that being in a serious relationship had become my measure of when you’d achieved success in life.

Oh, and we also decided to go to a movie under the bridge on Sunday night, possibly with my mom. I tragically totally forgot to take a photo for my photo of the day with Deb, which I’m 300% sure she’d have agreed to. I literally realized that driving away. It was at about 3:30pm that Deb said she had to get other things done, and said goodbye. Speaking of driving away, I literally put in my dad’s address first, and then realized that I might not have time to stop there and then get to Open Door by 4:15pm, So I changed my destination to Open Door, which was like a half hour drive away from where Deb lives in downtown. My meeting with Deb ended at around 3:30pm, and I didn’t get to Open Door until 4:10pm. At Open Door, I felt nice and needed. I did a bit of translation right away when they opened. I also talked to the volunteer coordinator Veronica, and I told her about my potential new photo of the day project.

Then, a bit later, something else good happened. I met the girl who was hired to take Liz’ place, a Mexican girl named Italia. The very interesting thing about her was that she also had worked at Valleyfair, and she was there for like 7 years, more than my 3. I learned that when Sean asked me if I’d worked there in front of her. Italia was a merchandise supervisor. She randomly knew my old manager Luis, and said that his daughter had had to work in merchandise because her dad was a foods manager, and that after he left, his daughter, Linda, who I knew, went to foods for like a year. I also told Italia that Valleyfair was the reason I learned Spanish, because of all the foreign people working there, and that I had dated an Ecuadorian from there for like a year. The cool thing at Open Door was that I was able to tell both Veronica and Sean about my new photo project idea, though I think I accidentally told Veronica twice, and I also met the new girl, Italia, who said that working at Open Door is her full time job, unlike Liz, for whom it was a second job. I asked her that at the end of the night, which is also when I learned she’s Mexican. Speaking of work, she mentioned that Valleyfair has actually stopped allowing people to work as much as I used to when I worked there.

Oh, and then just to make sure I end on a bad note, I unfortunately threw up again at the end the night. When that happened, I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to take my meds after that, since I’ve gotta eat with them. What I did was I took my night meds at 8:28pm with a 9g cracker with some brie cheese on it.

Grateful things: Grateful that I’ve met a new person who I see potential with at Open Door, and also that I’ve been given a project that I can almost use as a “job.” I feel like this might be a part of my “drastic mindset adjustment” that I said weeks and weeks ago that I needed.