BeReals, Scars, Mom with tacos for dinner

September 11, 2023: Ok I very much didn’t wanna do today because I feel like I don’t have a single good thing to say. Literally, even yesterday when I ran into the guy from Brazil at Mayo Clinic was better. Funny enough, today I also learned that they messed up at the hospital, and didn’t take a CT scan when they should have. That means that I have to go in again on both Wednesday and Thursday. One day for the CT scan and one day to see the doctor. There’s a tiny chance that they’ll call me tomorrow and tell me I can come in for the CT scan tomorrow, but I don’t believe it’ll happen because absolutely nothing ever goes right in my life. This morning, I had a therapy session with Jessica, and we decided that I should watch some TV. She suggested watching Jane the Virgin, which I’ve seen before. I did that, and in a weird way it just depressed me more because I didn’t remember anything, and not remembering things is a huge trigger for sadness because it reminds me of the brain injury. I’m not even sure if that’s why I didn’t remember things, even though I’ve seen it before, but it pressed that into my mind yet again. My only success of the day was that I was able to take my medication with some tacos at 6:13pm, which wasn’t too far from the 8:00am I took them at this morning, and I also took a shower that was a lot more independent than last time. Mom didn’t even come in, and I just did the whole thing by myself with the stool. We also got the bandages off my stomach from the surgery. It was annoyingly painful, though clearly I’ve been through worse. Was good to do it especially because I reacted so badly that it wouldn’t have been good to do that in a doctor’s office probably. Idk I’m not covering half my day here because I just don’t want to write anything. Honestly the bandages on my stomach have been annoying me for a few days. If I’m putting some more truth in here, I’m also seriously afraid that I’ll never again be able to eat normally again. Kind of works that today was 9/11 because it was a very not good day.

To be grateful for: Grateful for cranberry juice, which is good and also doesn’t seem to make me throw up any more than anything else to drink. Oh yeah, the other annoying thing is that if I can’t get in to get my shunt fixed that quickly, I’m gonna have to put up with the throwing up for more days. So I guess my grateful thing turned into something I’m DEFINITELY not grateful for. Oh well, this feels more accurate anyways.