Barre with Jordan, workout with Bernie, best show ever with Bernie

November 10, 2023:

Alright, this is gonna be less a bit less groundbreaking than yesterday. I did my meds at 8:00am this morning with one of my croissant sandwiches with 12g fat. Well, now it’s the end of the day. Actually, now it’s the next day, because it was 12:30am when I wrote that. The exciting thing is that yesterday I decided that I was content with my life. I know that I also thought yesterday that maybe this show could be a turning point in my life. It was just a great experience, and previously I hadn’t had a singular event where I could say, “it all got better after X.” This could be one of those moments for me.

Basically, I did a barre class with Jordan, and in the class I decided that “I am normal enough,” since I always seem to have important thoughts during yoga and all. I decided that working at Fogo after going through the cancer had taught me that “normal” was the goal, because I was coming out of being extremely not normal for a 21-year-old, given that I’d just gotten out of several years of cancer trauma, and working 3 jobs at 90 hours a week allowed me to never have time to think about that. Basically, when I started to feel a little better after becoming “more normal” for a 20-something at Fogo, I decided that that meant that being more normal ALWAYS meant feeling better. Even though I knew even then that normal isn't happy. And very recently, that meant that everything that was proving I “wasn’t normal” was insanely depressing to me, and made me feel like life wasn’t worth living. THAT is why I got a lot more depressed right before getting a LOT better.

Having those thoughts about my history with the word “normal” in yoga is the reason why that I’m including my picture with Jordan, who taught the class. After the class, I worked out with Bernie, who was wearing a Licor 43 shirt. I told him that I used to sell Licor 43 at Fogo, and never knew it was spelled licor not liquor. During that session with Bernie, I also threw away a single Fogo medallion that was still in my fanny pack, which felt significant even at the moment I did it. I also told Bernie that now I feel normal enough to meet new people again. And that’s exactly what happened! I went home and organized some stuff, and then at 7:30pm I went to a performance of Bernie’s band, which might be called The Experience, but I’m not sure. Wrote it down somewhere, idk where.

At the band's show, I actually forgot my notes notebook, which kind of turned out to be a good thing. It meant that I had to ask some the Mancini’s servers for paper, and then I was able to explain to some of the people I was with the reason why why taking notes is important for me. I also decided that something I love is being able to meet new people and tell them my story. I was kind of able to redefine myself there too, in that when people asked me what I did, I answered that I volunteer at a food shelf or two as a translator and am on disability because of the crash. I also decided that the fact that I’d forgotten my notebook, a bad thing, had actually turned into the good thing of being able to tell people more about my story. That is a great symbol of bad things turning into good things. I also wrote down, “I’m definitely happy.” It’s just good to have that recorded.

In a way, now I could view the TBI as a positive in that it got me to create my blog, which is massively valuable to me. After the show, I drove home, and stopped at Burger King on the way. I also had done my meds quite a bit before the show just to know that I’d be able to eat something there if they had food. They didn’t actually offer much food, but it was good to know I could have eaten. Meds at 4:03pm with another biscuit roll up, which I only did so early because I felt a bit hungry then. Ok, I think I’ve covered most of it. Funny that I started this by saying it’d be less groundbreaking, which I even wrote yesterday too, and this kind turned into including some statements that seem a bit groundbreaking anyways. Got photos of me with Jordan, Bernie working out at the gym where I met him, me with Bernie later at his concert, and a picture of the entire band playing at night at Mancini’s.